Family and Community

Almost all of us live in a family — the fundamental and most ancient unit of any society. In Indian society today there are several types of families, from joint families to nuclear families.

• A joint family has several generations living together — grandparents, parents, uncles and aunts, brothers, sisters and cousins.
• A nuclear family is limited to a couple and their children, and sometimes just one parent and children.

"Love and dharma are the flower and fruit of family life." — Tiruvalluvar

In English there are not many terms to describe family relationships. Indian languages have many more — Hindi has bua, tau, tai, chacha, mausi, nana, nani and more. Tamil has different terms for elder/younger brother or sister. But what is the word for 'cousin' in an Indian language? In most Indian languages there is no such word — cousins are simply called 'brothers' and 'sisters', emphasising the deep bonds among all the children in the family.

Notice how, quite often, a single word in your mother tongue requires several words in English to give a precise definition.

Following our dharma, or doing our duty, has been an important principle of Indian culture. The family is also a 'school', where children learn important values such as ahimsa, dāna (giving), sevā (service) and tyāga (sacrifice). Individuals in the family often give up their own needs to take care of the family's needs.

Shalini lives with her family in a town in Kerala. Her father runs a small business and her mother is a teacher. Shalini has a younger brother. Her grandmother Acchamma, her Chittappa (father's brother) and her Chitti (aunt) live with them, with their daughter — Shalini's cousin — Chinni. Shalini's uncle had just lost his job, causing financial difficulties, just as the family was preparing for the festival of Onam.

When Shalini's parents took her and her brother shopping, they bought new clothes not only for themselves but also for Chittappa, Chitti and Chinni. As a result, Shalini did not get the silk dress she expected — she had to settle for a simple cotton one. Acchamma explained that this is how families support each other and share what they have. Shalini did not mind; she was happy that everyone could get some new clothes.

Tenzing lives in a village in the mountains of Meghalaya. His father runs a small grocery store; his mother became busy in a local handicraft cooperative, making traditional fabrics, wood carvings and other items for tourists. So his father joined in cleaning the house, tending the vegetable garden, and helping grandmother cook.

Grandmother tells stories full of humour and wisdom. Grandfather helps with homework, takes Tenzing to the school bus stop, and is active in social work — registering complaints about power failures, and once collecting money from the whole neighbourhood to help repair a storm-damaged house. Tenzing's parents discuss special expenses together and try to save for the future.

Relationships among family members are based on love, care, cooperation and interdependence. 'Cooperation' means 'working together'. Each member of the family has a role and responsibility towards other members. Parents are responsible for raising their children to become happy individuals and responsible members of society. But also, as children grow up, they take on more responsibilities in the home — through daily practice, children learn to participate in the life of the household, and learn some of the traditions and practices their family has followed for generations.

Families are connected not only within themselves, but also with other families and the people around them. Such a group of connected people may be called a 'community'. Members come together for various reasons — celebrating festivals, organising feasts, weddings, and events. In some villages, people support each other with agricultural practices like land preparation, sowing and harvesting.

Over time, communities often agreed upon practices for the use of shared natural resources (water, grazing lands, forest produce) — common among many tribal communities, and still true to some extent in rural India today. Such unwritten 'rules' have provided communities secure access to resources. But it also means individuals within the community have specific duties to perform — otherwise the community will not function smoothly.

Year after year, the region around Jhabua (Madhya Pradesh) suffered an acute water crisis. Following their halma tradition of coming together to support any individual or family in times of crisis, the Bhil community decided to plant thousands of trees in hundreds of villages, and dug trenches to conserve rainwater — unpaid work done as a duty towards the community and the environment, to serve Mother Earth. In 2019, Shri Mahesh Sharma of the Shivganga movement was honoured with the Padma Shri for his transformational work with the Bhil communities.

During the Chennai floods of 2015, roads turned to rivers, shops closed, and services were interrupted. Many private groups, especially spiritual and religious organisations, cooked large quantities of food and distributed it to people who needed it.

These stories illustrate community in a rural context — community is also present in an urban context, though it may function a little differently.

More than 20 years ago, in Ahmedabad (Gujarat), Kamal Parmar, owner of a small auto-fabrication workshop, noticed underprivileged children on the street — some had dropped out of school, others had never been. He started giving them tuition from 5:30 to 9:30 pm every day, after his regular work hours, plus a free dinner. Soon, 150 children were attending regularly and deeply interested in the lessons.

A visiting teacher observed: "These children don't get proper benches to sit on, have no 'silence zone' classrooms and the vehicles passing by make lots of noise, yet they pay all their attention to what the teachers tell them... The love and affection I got from them was unbelievable." Older children from regular schools also volunteered to teach. One remarked: "We went there to teach, instead we learnt a lot from them."

New types of communities have emerged in the last 30–40 years. Residents' Welfare Associations (RWAs) in urban areas make their own rules and regulations — about waste management, cleanliness of common areas, pets, and so on. Communities are ultimately interdependent: RWAs depend on the trading community for supplies and on municipal workers to handle waste.

'Community' is a flexible concept: a jāti, or a subdivision of it, is also often called a community. A group of people of a particular religion, region, common work or interest may also be called a community — 'Mumbai's Parsi community', 'Chennai's Sikh community', 'Kerala's scientific community', 'the village's farming community', and so on — the list is endless. In school, you may be part of the sports community, the National Service Scheme, the National Cadet Corps, a science or drama club, etc.

Two illustrations: a multi-generational family on a veranda (grandparents, parents, children, one playing a board game); and a family sitting together with a son playing a stringed instrument.

Two illustrations: a couple and two children cooking/eating together; and a mother helping a son and daughter with homework.

Shalini's extended family gathered outside a traditional Kerala house — grandmother seated, parents standing, children playing — with palm trees in the background.

Shalini in a yellow-and-white cotton dress, smiling, with her mother and younger brother behind her.

Father and grandmother cooking together; grandmother telling a story to four children indoors, mountains visible outside.

An open-air street classroom: Kamal Parmar pointing at a chalkboard, teaching children seated under a tarpaulin, with an auto-rickshaw and workshop visible behind.

A large group of people of different ages seated around a long table in a meeting — suggesting a Residents' Welfare Association gathering.

1. (p.138) What types of families do you see in your neighbourhood? List type + number of households. What's most frequent, and why? Compare with classmates.
2. (p.138) Make a list of all your family members, including distant relatives, with terms in your mother tongue and the English equivalent.
3. (p.140) Who decides market purchases, cooks, is oldest, cleans, washes utensils, helps with homework in your family?
4. (p.141) Draw Shalini's family tree (seven members). Why did her parents buy clothes for everyone? What would you have done?
5. (p.142) Why does Tenzing's father consult his wife on special expenses? How do you feel about his chores? What roles do grandparents fulfil?
6. (p.143) Create a family story showing family values, through writing or drawing.
7. (p.143) Stage a small drama around two or three families, with challenging situations and resolutions.
8. (p.143) What aspects of modern living make couples opt for nuclear families? Advantages/disadvantages of joint vs nuclear?
9. (p.144) Have you heard of more examples like Jhabua's halma or the Chennai floods response?
10. (p.146) Discuss the Kamal Parmar story — attitude towards community, values reflected, has society been unfair to underprivileged children, what should society do?
11. (p.147) List all people outside your family supporting you through their work.
12. (p.148) What communities are you part of? Is there a school club you're in — how does it function?

1. What are some of the rules you follow in your family and neighbourhood? Why are they important?
2. Do you think some rules are unfair to a few people in the family or community? Why?
3. Describe several situations you have observed where community support makes a difference. You can draw or write about these.